Tag Archives: family

The Terrible Plane Passenger

22 Feb

I hope this doesn’t come off as rude or offensive, but it’s my blog and I can be honest here and say that there are just some people in this world that I would rather not sit next to on a plane.  Does this make me a bad person?  No.  Does this make me think anything less of those people?  Absolutely not! after all I’ve been that person (story to follow)…. but given the option I can guarantee that you’re not going to be the one to volunteer to take the middle seat inbetween the sweet precious tantrum baby and the [I’m sure, very] friendly man with the absolutely horrendous BO.  Amiright?!

That being said, I’ve taken the liberty of creating….

The World’s Best Worst Airplane Seating Chart:

plane seating chart

Isn’t this what it always feels like every time you fly!?

*Honorable mentions go to The Mean Parent, Over-Sized Dreads Guy, The Won’t Pull Down The Shade When The Sun Is Beaming In Your Face Kid, Everyone’s BFF (not to be confused with the Jokester or Oversharer), The Flight Attendant Brown Noser and last but not least… The Cougher.
**My personal favorite is The Panicked Flier… I once sat next to a woman that insisted that I walk up and down the aisle with her before take-off to physically touch/count every aisle seat on the way to the emergency exit in case it was too smokey to see when the plane went down.  She also wore nylon socks because the material is less flammable than cotton….?  Because when the plane goes up in flames heaven forbid my socks catch on fire.  I wish I could make this stuff up, but alas.. true story.

I got to go to back to Abilene for Sing Song and an unofficial friend reunion of sorts this past weekend… it was my first time going to Sing Song since since I was in it FIVE YEARS AGO.  I’ve learned there are two things in this world that make you feel old: 1 – 5 year reunions of any variety and 2 – your hands being sore from playing skee ball (yes, I experienced both this weekend).

It was seriously sooooo great to catch up with old friends, professors, go to Friday praise chapel on campus (tears!), hangout with the fam, hangout with Granny and friends at her ‘retirement village’ … all in all awesome.  So awesome in fact that I got a total of six hours sleep between Thursday night and Friday night, and 45 minutes of sleep Saturday… My flight was out of Dallas at 830a Sunday morning so my friend and I woke up at 5a to drive to DFW so I could catch my flight.  Have I mentioned that girl is a saint?

We struuuuuuuuggled to stay awake on our three hour drive but any attempt at remaining coherent was completely useless.  She stayed awake by driving 95 MPH (God bless Texas highways) with her hand out the sunroof and/or grabbing ice from her Whataburger cup to rub on her face.  I don’t know how I stayed awake because I pretty much just stared straight ahead and tried to keep up conversation as we watched the sunrise.

you try staying awake driving through three hours of THIS!

you try staying awake driving through three hours of THIS!

In the last hour of the ride delirium started kicking in and I somehow convinced myself that I had forgotten to purchase my return flight.  I spent the next 40 minutes on the phone with various airlines asking if they had a reservation for me, only to realize that I was flying on the same airline as I flew in on because I had in fact bought a round trip ticket… (shocking, I know).  I also discovered while waiting in the security line at the airport that I had lost my phone… only to realize a full 24 hours later that I had put in my wallet (where I always keep it); nevermind the fact that I opened my wallet to get my ID out, put my ID away, get my debit card out and put my debit card away in that 24-hour time frame. That’s four accounts of quite literally touching my phone and having no idea where I had left it.  I made it through security and went to my gate… well, the wrong gate.  After standing in line to board a flight to Philadelphia for 12 minutes I realized I was at gate 38 and my ticket said gate 28.  2’s and 3’s look pretty similar….  (just go with it).

After that crazy fiasco of a morning, I somehow managed to make it on the correct plane and sat down in the correct seat.  Let’s call this a win.  Little did the guy next to me know what was in store for him.

I made absolutely no attempt to be friendly and I think the frazzled hair, 24-hour old makeup and disheveled yoga pants + hoodie fashion statement was enough to keep me from finding my new best friend for the next three hours.  Needless to say, I was left alone and passed out as soon as I heard the flight attendant say “San Diego.”  Aaaaaaaaand we’re off!

I have no idea how far along into the flight we were or how long I had been asleep… but I was startled awake by the man sitting next to me.  Why you ask?  Oh only because

I WAS SNORING IN HIS FACE.

I like to think I looked something like this....

I like to think I looked something like this….

this is probably a little more realistic...

this is probably a little more realistic…

 

I kid you not, my head was turned all the way to my left facing upwards, mouth gaping open, breathing and SNORING less than four inches from this poor man’s face.  It had to have been even worse than what I’m envisioning because when I opened my eyes the two people sitting behind me were quite literally standing up out of their seats to try and catch a glimpse of the obnoxious, rude, horrendously disgusting person (aka: me) that was the talk of the entire plane.

I was so confused when he woke me up I just ended up flinging my hands out in front of me to catch my balance [in the extremely stationary plane seat], tried for .3 seconds to figure out where I was but quickly turned my head to the other side and fell right back asleep.  How rude of that guy to wake me up! (kidding)

When we the plane touched down I was jolted awake and wiped the drool from the sides of my mouth.  I casually looked at the man next to me and judging by the fact that he moved his mouth, chuckled and pumped his eyebrows up and down I can only assume he said something to me… I didn’t understand him or attempt an effort to respond.  I looked at him confused and propped my head back on the seat waiting to deboard.  Man, I bet HE felt awkward!  Idiot.  (kidding)

I got home, crawled in bed and fell asleep by 11a.  I woke up Monday morning at 6a to head to work and was quite the peach that day, let me tell ya 😉

I guess when most people fly, they walk of the plane with a story about some crazy person they had to sit next to.  Well in this case, I am that crazy person and I have to tell the story on myself :/ I do however take great comfort in the fact that I provided that man (and a plane) with a story to tell to their friends and families that picked them up from the airport.  You’re welcome, World.

A True Texas Thanksgiving… In Pictures

27 Nov

To set the record straight, I am not a Texan.  I grew up on the west coast — my extended family has always lived somewhere in Texas so I guess you could say there are some roots there, but it’s not what I would ever really call home.  I decided to go to college in Abilene, TX and loved every minute of it, but it has provided some confusion among my friends as to where I’m from – I’ll say it again, I’m not from Texas.  Even though I don’t claim Texas as my own, I love my goofy Texas family and will absolutely claim them a hundred times over.  They tend to be about as far from “politically correct” as possible, so please extend the benefit of the doubt that they are the sweetest people you will ever meet that just happen to say some goofy things… bless their hearts.  

So under the assumption that a picture will say a thousand words, I feel like it might be a better way to share about my Thanksgiving in Abilene, TX and the hilarity that is my family rather than try and write it all out – but don’t worry, there are some moments that a picture could never capture and I’ll include those too.  ENJOY! 

Birds eye view of campus flying into Abilene... it's a happening place, can't you tell!?

After getting settled we went to Aunt Trisha's and this was the scene... DJ, Kyle, Uncle Ray, Grady and Uncle Jimmy - bellies out watching football. LOVE THEM

Denver, the eldest grandson who lives in Arkansas with his family called Uncle Jimmy on Facetime to say hello to the fam.  We Texans are always so impressed with technology these days, we passed the phone around and each said yelled hello to Denver’s face and then he put his precious 4-year old daughter on Facetime.  Norah fits in the family well because she is never at a loss for words; she started talking away to Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Ray and white-haired Uncle Jimmy leans over to deaf Uncle Ray and says “what’d she say??” as if Norah couldn’t see them.  Uncle Ray responds “I have no idea” but they continue to smile and make goofy grandpa faces into the phone.  Uncle Ray leans in with his ‘good ear’ to try to hear her better… simulating the use of a normal telephone while poor Norah gets a view of her Pa-Paw’s ear.  I look over, feel sympathy for the poor little girl staring at her grandpa’s ear and remind Uncle Ray – “it’s called Facetime, not ear time!”  Kyle then grabs the remote control to Uncle Ray’s hearing aids (yes – his hearing aids have a remote control) and tries to turn up the volume.  Only my family. 

Granny's house was decorated for fall to max. This decor pretty much sums up our weekend.

Our very southern Thanksgiving meal 🙂 "If you go home hungry, it's your own fault"

Grady sat at the end of the table and I talked him into taking a group picture... now... Grady is not known for his enthusiams towards traditional family things... family pictures included. So when we heard him yell "Mom!! Get in here!! Group photo!!" we all died laughing... captured here. In case you can't see my face in this.. let's go ahead and zoom in, shall we?

Here ya go. This got passed around the table. Everyone was in tears and I now have a new nickname in my family that I will not repeat, because it happens to be extremely NON-pc... this was the topic of our entire Thanksgiving dinner conversation.

Here is a snapshot of my (first) plate. Incredible. In case you can't tell... we have smoked turkey AND ham... also, I have no problem loading up - the turkey wasn't the only thing that was stuffed! As food was passed we did what I like to call the 'baseball yell' which mimics how the vendors at the baseball stadium call out their food... "Sarah, will you pass the cranberry salad" my baseball vendor response: "CRANBERRY SALAD!!" At one point during the meal, Grady surveyed the table and yelled "Squash casserole takes the lead!!!" He was totally right.

No family gathering is complete without a friendly (read: ferocious) game of Scrabble, so after everything was cleaned up and put away, we decided to start a game.

Now don't let this sweet 80 year-old Granny face holding her Scrabble apron with her grandkids' names on it fool you... she gets a little sassy when we start beating her 😉

sometimes she lets me cheat...

... but typically this is the sassy face we get from her during our Scrabble games

Everything was pretty normal in our Scrabble game... until I discovered this play. Take a look at that sassy Granny face and now imagine it with her eyes bulging from her head and smoke coming from her ears. My Granny is an extremely sweet, traditional, conservative Christian little old lady and we all try to be extremely respectful of her. But as I looked at my letters, "PENIS" was just glaring at me and I couldn't see anything else. What to do. If I play this, will I be removed from the will??

I decide to consult my opponent via text from across the table. He looks up from his phone... stares me straight in the eyes and says "A THOUSAND DOLLARS. ONE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS"

Needless to say... I played it. I won (duh!) and Granny's response was: Well it IS a word. Win, win and win.

 Let’s take a break from pictures for a minute and read some noteworthy comments/conversations from the weekend:
 
Grady: Mom – does dad’s voicemail really say “Hi!  This is Jim, Jimmy or James Kimbrell…”
 
Me: *sneeze*
Uncle Ray responding to my sneeze: PAPAYA
Aunt Lea: Oh! Jimmy has a papya tree!!
 
DJ: Get a space helmet and make it Boba Fett The Bargain Hunter
 
Granny: We need to lock up that unicorn
 
Aunt Lea (on Black Friday shopping): Jimmy you’ll be so proud of how much I didn’t spend today
Aunt Trisha: Well HE’S the one that goes to get light bulbs and comes out with a refrigerator!
 
Grady: I mean… I’ll learn taxidermy
  
Grady:  Bacon tastes good with everything.  Name one item of food that doesn’t taste good with bacon.
Me: Cake.  Bacon and cake… gross
Kyle: Actually, I just had a cupcake with bacon the other day and it was incredible
…………10 minutes of this conversation…… we all offer up something, Grady denies us (lasagna, cereal, ice-cream, etc etc etc)
Me (out of silence): GRAPE POPSICLES!!!!! Bacon would NOT be good in a Kool-Aid Grape popsicle!!
Grady: I think that’d be fantastic – you just replace the popsicle stick with some crispy bacon!
 
So the day after Thanksgiving we continued our family time:

Naturally the day after Thanksgiving calls for the day-after-Thanksgiving-sweater, seen above being worn by Aunt Lea

True to any family gathering in Texas, Grady and I look out the window and see Kyle and DJ shooting soda cans in a field from the back porch. Grady and I had a laugh after watching DJ miss a few times and he said "Sarah I bet you could hit that soda can before DJ does."

Challenge accepted. I NAILED it on my first try 😉

I was so surprised I busted out laughing... making for this primo photo op. Thanks Deej.

If you know anything about Texas you know that if one gun is shown, more will follow. This was no exception. Uncle Jimmy appeared from the master bedroom door with his gun.

Which then led to Grady pulling out his 40. IT. WAS. LOUD. I got to shoot all the guns, but the fun ended after I shot THIS gun... something about waving it around after the shock of the kickback causing everyone to duck and cover just didn't go over too well with the guys... whoops.

What Texas-day-after-Thanksgiving would be complete without stripping the house of the fall decorations and putting up the Christmas decor... isn't she adorable??

Have I mentioned that my Granny collects apples? They're eeeevvveeerrryyyywhere. She has a tree with all our names on it. She's had this for a number of years and it's become a staple to her kitchen decor. Do you see an apple on there that looks a little small porportionate to the others?

Let's get a little closer and see who's that is...

...aaaaaand it's Grady's. baaaahahahaha SUCKA!!! I make sure and point it out to him... he's not having it!! He puts Granny on the chopping block and we come to find out that his apple was lost - this was the best replacement she could find. Grady wasn't having it. He recruited me to go on a trip to Hobby Lobby to create a new apple for him that would outshine all the others...

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Can you tell he was a little bitter??

Let's not forget puzzle time

... or the obligitory game of Hearts...

and what family gathering is complete without finding some old family photos… “Awwww Sarah… the 6th grandson” – Grady
 
I hope you enjoyed a peek into our family and a true Texas Thanksgiving, and I hope you were able to share it with your friends and family 🙂
 
Y’all come back now, ya hear??
 

Updates! (and insight into what my life has come to)

9 Sep

So I’m enjoying blogging in the nerdiest way – and I could be wrong, but it seems that we’re developing mutual feelings here… of course it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve misjudged that… (I just sincerely hope you don’t stop reading based on a “gut feeling” … nm…) But with over 2,500 views I’d like to say “thanks!” and I’m sorry you’ve been that bored and/or find entertainment in my life!  Haha but let’s be real, for all I know my mom is just logging on every five minutes completely skewing my “number of views.”  Thanks mom.  Regardless, it’s been fun writing these things down… after having a good catchup sesh with Sarah Norte, she suggested I write a “black book blog” and I’m seriously considering it.  More on that later.

Anyways – I thought this would be a good opportunity to provide an update for you on a few of my previous posts:

I am no longer looking forward to The Year of 25 which coincidentally started my blogging phase.  It sucks – bring back 24!! This is largely in part to one of the major life events I’ve endured – relive it here – we all know you want to (seriously… that post has been the most popular according to the site stats… you sick, sick people! haha)

Since my post about the fingerless waitress (click here to read), I have seen more dismembered limbs than I can count.  Am I cursed?  Two people in one week without arms.  A freaking PIGEON missing a foot… walking around on its little nub.  No lie.  A post from my hilarious cousin-in-law experiencing something similar, with a WAY better response to the awkwardness:  We may have started a war with Great Britain (also a great blog if you need extra reading material!)

A week or so after my adventure post, I catch a glimpse of three strangers (separate times and places.. no affiliations) reading that god-awful book (obviously there’s a backstory with that book that I’m choosing not to share).  I swear it’s taken everything inside me to stay off my soapbox in my interactions with them… aaaahhhhhhh

Onto the good: I had an absolutely WONDERFUL time seeing old friends in Seattle a few weeks back while we remembered the 5 year anniversary of my dad’s passing – my own dad memories posted here.  Thanks to everyone at home for being such a great family to me and really just for being present and active in my life 🙂  I feel like I got to clear my head and reset my ‘life’ button ❤ Here’s a picture of the tree we planted at our church as a memorial for my dad:

FEFD Update:  I still have it… BUT I finally got to be reunited with the father/son going to school today and there is now a second son!! Starting kindergarten!!A kindergartener!!! With bed head riding (driving?) a razor scooter!!! YYYYEEESSSS.  Having an extra jolt of inspiration and a kick in my step inspired by meeting my new kindergartener friend, I took the liberty of taking a picture of EOTL this morning so you could see that I was completely serious.  I’ve added it to the original post for your enjoyment – please note how close she stands to me… hahaha what a lady.

All in all, life is moving forward regardless of if I want it to or not.  I can successfully say I’ve broken every cardinal post-breakup rule imaginable and continue to do so.  “Ohhh Sarah, don’t be so hard on yourself – there are no rules for dealing with heartbreak” you say??  A friend of mine actually sent me a comprehensive list of rules she has one file (it’s pretty hilarious and sadly soooo soooo true), and I could confirm that I indeed HAVE broken them all so let me at least claim that victory.

I’ve concluded that Ben F. is the only person that understands being dumped when expecting a proposal and thus the only person that I can associate myself with.  Oh wait… he only knew Ashley for six weeks and word on the street is he’s the new bachelor.  He must be so heartbroken.  (another sign of heartbreak.. when trashy reality tv becomes a part of your life and you get mad about it… embarrassing but true).  Let’s relive the moment and let me feel a little better about myself… haha

In the meantime…  To my favorite frenemies Casey and Vienna (so sweetly referred to as Kermit and Miss Piggy): please don’t get kicked off the Bachelor Pad – as much as I love to hate you, you’re completely necessary for the ratings.

To Ronnie and Sammi: it’s never going to work.  Ever.  But thank you for the insight you give me about relationships; I will use this in my life.

shocking. we know.

And to Tyra, Nigel Barker and Jay Alexander – please bring Jade and Molly Sue back on the ANTM all-stars show.

where's Jade?

And this is what my life has come to… That is all.