I Went Speed Dating – This is Who I Met

To preface: there was a deal on Living Social, it’s on my bucket-list, I’m 25, and why not!?  The stars aligned, so Catie and I went.

I fully planned on developing some fake accent, or a nervous tic, or a horrible laugh, or a Disney princess persona… but all my hypothetical lives don’t hold a candle to the people I met.

Here are their profiles:

**All images have been borrowed from a Google image search.  Please don’t harass me about copyright blah blah blah – this is me giving credit to them**

Pang – A self-employed Cambodian chiropractor who grew up near Boston.  Like most chiropractors do before going into practice, he was a door-to-door meat salesman.  And I quote, “Yeah, I would knock on doors and say ‘Hey!  You want summa my meat??’ heh heh heh” Sadly I don’t think his life has changed much.  As he said this to me, he maintained a huge all-teeth-grin-face and speed pumped his eyebrows up and down repeatedly.

Steve – The only guy there wearing a suit and tie.  He walked around with a martini in one hand and his cell phone in the other.  He is an attorney that works on bankruptcy cases, but does not work with people because he doesn’t like people.  He hates his life, and he prefers to work than to have hobbies.  His words, not mine.  I honestly have no idea why this guy is single.

Nicoli – oohhhhh Nick.  Somehow think he missed that there was and age cut-off, but he’s Ukrainian and who doesn’t love a fun Ukrainian?!  (Olya – if you read this: I MISS YOU!!!!)  He was great, but definitely wanted to be back at Catie’s table, proven by the fact I think he was staring at her the entire time.  And then cornered her afterwards to get her number.  Get it garl 😉

Scott – another one that missed the age cut-off by a few years.  He decided to use his date time with Catie to go to the bathroom…. and well… that’s really all that I can remember because that’s kind of hilarious.

Sergei – An engineer originally from Russia seeking to pursue a career in photography and take pictures of “beautiful smiling women,” like me (or so he said).  “I want to get in your pants” was written all over his face.  And pants.

Paul – pretty much your typical New England dog walker from Randolph with a broken ankle and lots of food allergies.

Sid – looked like your stereotypical Harvard kid – dark skin, khakis, button down shirt with the top two buttons undone and a blue blazer.  He had swoopy loverboy hair and got his undergrad degree from Columbia, worked a couple of years in venture capital and wait for it…. is now at Harvard Business School (I need to get paid for this).  He was quote: “drawn” to me, by my drink of choice… which the bartender happened to throw in my hands and I did not in fact choose for myself.  P.s. how did he know what I ordered?  Creeper.

Lucas – Poor guy was soooooooooo nervous.  His plan to use the preset conversation starter cards as a crutch for his nerves quickly backfired when he reached for one and soon realized unlike the cards on the other tables… mine happened to all be extremely inappropriate.  I’m pretty sure neither one of us even knew what the questions even meant, much less wanted to know what an answer to the questions could be.  Lucky for him, I can think of about 3285474320 things to talk about off the top of my head, so I made sure to encourage him to keep talking.  Nice guy.

Ricardo – definitely the easiest guy of the bunch to talk to.  He sat down and said “You have this coooooooool vibe going on. What is it?  You must be from the west coast.”  Why yes, yes I am.  Made me happy.

Nus (pronounced Noose) which is a good way to explain it because he made me want to hang myself.  The first thing he said to me was… “I’m feelin’ your vibe, but do your earrings match your necklace??” I think it was supposed to be a callout?  I spent the entire ‘date’ trying to decipher his slang and not be distracted by his Shooter McGavin pointing.  As I was leaving he said “Hey – so you think you made it in my Top 5??”  I guess I will never know.

Sean (looked a lot like someone I know who is actually named Sean! Sorry Sean for stealing one of your profile pics…) – Speed Dating Sean was pretty normal, but he kept wiping his nose.  I’ve been sick and Catie told me I shouldn’t wipe my nose because everyone is going to think I’m a drug user.  Naturally.  I was so self-conscious and refused to wipe my nose the entire night that when this guy did it every 3.7 seconds I was 1. a little jealous and 2. thinking he was a drug user.  Thanks Catie.

Omar.  The best for last, for real.  He was my fave.  As he walked up to my table the first words out of his mouth were “I cry a lot.”  I think he was the only guy there that was actually joking around and creating hypothetical life.  In fact I’m pretty sure our entire conversation was made up.. and it was hilarious.  For some reason though, I totally believe that his dad’s arm was amputated due to an injury from working in a sheet metal factory, which inspired him to become a biotech engineer for prosthetic limbs.  Hmmmm.

After all was said and done I turned in a blank “match card,” which let’s be real – is anyone surprised??  The woman followed Catie and I out the door – I forgot what she had to ask Catie, but she was shocked when she asked if I meant to turn in a blank card and I said yes.  Has that not ever happened before??  Definitely a good time.  Definitely exhausting.  And we were deeeeefinitely excited to meet up with our actual friends at a bar afterwards and recap our speed dating experience 🙂

Chalk it up to another notch of my bucket-list belt!  Next one: Opening Day at Fenway – happening Friday… WHADDUP