Is anyone here a doctor?? I HAVE A BANANA

7 Mar

Sarah Moment:

The D Line was completely packed this morning on my way into the office… we’re talking shoulder to shoulder, hair sniffing, accidental butt grazing, can’t even get my phone out of my pocket to read the news kind of morning.  As we pulled away from the Longwood Medical stop there were murmurs going around – “we need to stop this train” – “are you ok??” – “she just fainted, stop the train someone just fainted” – “driver we need medical attention back here.”  Once the murmurs turned into yells and made it up to the driver, we were at the Fenway stop and the driver stopped the car; people cleared out to give the poor girl some room.   The girl had in fact fainted and so a couple of innocent T-standers helped her to a seat and took off her coat and scarf to get her some fresh air.

Remember how I mentioned we had just left the Longwood Medical T stop?  Well every other person on board happened to be a doctor, and every doctor came out of every crevice stating what type of doctor they were, and if you don’t mind me stereotyping doctors for a minute… doctors are cocky jerks.

It became a battle among heroes as to who was going to get to save the fainting girl.  Was it the psychiatric therapist who got three inches from the girl’s face and asked her no less than six times if she was diabetic to which each time she responded with a clear as day NO?  The physician who diagnosed her as having some kind of seizure?  The sweet nurse who handed her a bottle of water and asked her age?  The orthopedic surgeon in the poofy vest?  Finally, a doctor who had yet to reveal what type of doctor he was (go figure) asked if she had eaten anything yet this morning.  Nope.  HERO!  So what do I do amongst the chaos hearing that she hasn’t eaten yet??  I reach down, grab the banana I have in my work bag, enthusiastically pop straight up from the middle of the T crowd, power thrust my banana into the air like a triton and yell“I HAVE A BANANA!” 

This is kind of what it looked like... on an unrelated note, has anyone ever heard of Banana Man? Me either until I wrote this and was looking for a picture...

Because that’s normal.

I looked around and realized my banana was no use.  Every doctor that wasn’t diagnosing her with some rare form of cancer after her fainting episode was shaking their head at me.  The banana is still in the air.  How do I discretely lower my banana without hitting someone in the face?  Is there a way I can do a drug-deal-banana-slide to this girl?  Does anyone else notice the holy beams of heavenly light shining down on my banana right now?  My arm sat in the air for a solid 15 seconds until I heard someone say “Sarah???”  Of course. 

Someone I work with happened to be on the T and witnessed the entire banana incident.  Out of respect for the fainting girl, my coworker didn’t find it appropriate to make fun of me right then and there, but waited until we got off the T and then reenacted my holy banana moment for me, in case I missed how awkward I was.

The important thing is: fainting girl is totally fine.  Once she sat down and had some water, she was just embarrassed more than anything… so naturally getting in her face and asking what drugs she is allergic to was the right thing to do….  glad she’s ok.  Wish she would have eaten my banana.  Guess we’ll never know who the hero is in this story.  From now on I am going to wear a spandex shirt with a bedazzled S on it under all of my outfits so that if I’m ever put in a situation like this again, I can tear off my outer layer and every doctor in the place will take me and my banana seriously.


5 Responses to “Is anyone here a doctor?? I HAVE A BANANA”

  1. Leesa March 8, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    This has made my day! I have been cracking up, because I have NO PROBLEM seeing you with the banana in the air with that dimpled smile! You totally rock as “Banana HERO”!!!!!!

  2. Izzy Mason March 13, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    Hahaha! That’s awesome! But what sort of super powers would Superhero Sarah have other than miraculous healing powers? Ability to freeze time so you can shoulder your way through disapproving doctors to deliver life-saving bananas to citizens in need of aid? Ability to turn invisible if citizens decide they don’t want any aid?

    Love the blog girly!

  3. Heather Vandenengel March 19, 2012 at 7:39 am #

    bahahahah just had a good morning lol. Claaasic Sarah story 🙂

  4. adamkurihara April 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    Nice blog! “…powerthrust my banana into the air like a triton.” Made me laugh out loud 🙂

  5. Chef Roman December 14, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

    I’m searching for a banana to carry with me– all day tomorrow.

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