Gym-nasty-icks

31 Jan

I’ve always hated the over-eager gym rats.  Who doesn’t, right?  In high school I was one.  Well not over-eager, maybe just gym rat.  I lifted at least every other day for close to three years and was honest to goodness four pants sizes bigger than I am now – whether that was a result of squatting 114% of my body weight or finishing every workout with two double cheeseburgers from Jack in the Box, we may never know.  Wow – I just painted an extremely attractive picture of myself there, didn’t I?  Oh well – you’ve seen worse on this blog.

On top of my lifting regimen, I also worked at a gym for two of those years… I really was there aaallll the time.  I saw some of the most ridiculous things:

  • Grown men fighting over the tv remote. During one of the more memorable disputes, a woman came up and asked my 17 year old self to step in after one of the men yelled “You wanna take this outside???”  Testosterone.  Blegh
  • An affair between two married gym members that met AT the gym; in a weird way, I felt responsible for “letting” it happen… so sad
  • Arched backs at the bench-press = it’s too much weight for you and it’s not impressive (aka 73% of all men)
  • Girls using the inner thigh weight machine to just receive attention from the men walking by
  • The gorgeous woman with the gorgeous body (who wouldn’t share her age) that came in everyday in booty shorts, a sports bra and a high ponytail… she was super nice, but you can’t help but be annoyed when she maintained that great of a body from her half hour on the treadmill at 2.7 mph without ever breaking a sweat.
  • The socialites that would come to the gym for 2 hours and spend the entire time chatting on the machines without lifting so much as a 3 lb dumbbell
  • The grunters.  We get it, it’s a lot of weight.  We are thoroughly impressed (how’s that back??)
  • The heavy breathers – I understand you’re working hard and I’m proud of you, but I can also hear you… two rooms away… over the gym radio… and through my headphones.

There are also great things about the gym environment that I love, and I think my favorite is the energy and excitement that is harnessed there… people working hard… setting goals… reaching goals… making friends… trying new things… all around pretty good endorphins floating around in the air 🙂  Quite possibly my favorite job that I’ve ever had to be honest

That said, the past month or so with new years resolutions and the winter weight kicking in, I’ve toyed with the idea of joining a gym.  Then I read all your FB posts about how much you hate the new years resolutioners that take up your precious gym space, and I don’t.  Then my roommate drags me with him and I love it.  Then I can’t walk the next day, and I don’t go back for week.  Haha all embarrassing, but honest!  So finally, Heather invited me to a Zumba class with her at an all women’s gym she joined near my apt.  I’m not going to lie… I have no desire to become a Zumba fanatic, and the idea of an all women’s gym does not exactly motivate me to out run the 74 year old woman on the treadmill next to me… but I had always wanted to try Zumba and I adore Heather, so why not give it a shot, right?

Well the Zumba class didn’t end up working out BUT I got a decent workout in and I think I’m in love.  Not only that, but I’ve officially become the person I hate.  If you were to ask me at 8:00a how my morning was I would say in one long, overly enthusiastic breath “It’s been great!  I woke up at 5:30a, went to the gym and did 35 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of abs while listening to a podcast sermon from Matt Chandler at The Village Church.  I ate an English muffin, showered, did my daily Bible reading, made a smoothie and went to the office to start my work day!”  Vomit.  I want to keep a few friends, so instead I’ll just say “it’s been good thanks.”

So I’m super excited about this new routine/habit I’m starting, but a little less excited about a few things I’ve noticed in the women’s gym that I hadn’t ever seen at a gym before.  Noteable moments the past few days include:

  • Farts.  Just because it’s a women’s gym doesn’t mean you can fart and it goes unnoticed.  I notice when I’m panting during my whopping 35 minutes of cardio and I’m gasping for air.  Fresh air.
  • Remember that 74 year old woman on the treadmill next to me that I didn’t care if I outran?  Well… she outruns me.  And out lifts me.  And is there before me.  And is there when I leave.  Curse you incredibly fit old woman!  Only not really… I salute you
  • Leg lifts + overweight women –5 inches on the length of their shorts = not what I want to see when I first wake up

Heres to starting a gym routine again! Heres to 530a! Heres to wanting to punch me in the face! Heres to me punching myself in the face!  And last but certainly not least… heres to YOU 74 year old woman; one of these days I will be able to keep pace with you!

….we’ll see how long this lasts… Any bets out there yet?? 

And no post is complete without some kind of embarrassing picture, right?  Here’s a disgusting picture I detagged on Facebook.. and this wasn’t even during my gym days!  Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick

all shadows, I swear. and before you ask... no I was not in prison

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14 Responses to “Gym-nasty-icks”

  1. SarahNW February 1, 2012 at 12:59 am #

    fact: crop dusting does not work on a treadmill as well as it does outside on the trail…

    • sai04a February 1, 2012 at 10:00 am #

      oh norte… i miss you ❤

  2. DavidD February 1, 2012 at 10:28 am #

    Matt Chandler is legit, love that church.

  3. Skippy McGoo February 1, 2012 at 10:30 am #

    What did the weightlifter leave the gym with? SQUAT!

    • sai04a February 1, 2012 at 11:21 am #

      oh skippy mcgoo – you always got jokes!

  4. Jeff Brown February 1, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    Was that a San Felipe pic?

    • sai04a February 6, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

      yes!! it was!! such a great trip – I miss you all so so much 🙂

  5. isaac February 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    Come on now, if you’re going to use a statistic, at least use the right one… 87%! But you have a good point. Did you mention the ones that hog a machine for an hour?

    • sai04a February 6, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

      oh yes yes, of course! i think i would include those with the socialites 🙂

  6. Cassie Ladd February 2, 2012 at 8:19 am #

    Wow – you make me realize more than ever that I’m a work-out virgin! But good grief this was a funny post!

  7. Heather Vandenengelr February 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

    I can vouch that all of your observations about this gym are 100% accurate. I am at least 30 years younger than some of these women who are in much, much better shape than me. I can only aspire to be them one day.

    Great post! ❤ you.

  8. Jen February 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Hahahaha! Excellent as always.

  9. PCC Advantage February 17, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    First of all, I think it needs to be said that, if I asked you how your morning was going so far and THAT was the way you answered, we would be friends. Like, immediately.

    Then, I would ask if it was alright if I joined you the next day, but would also ask if we could reverse your routine. I’d want to listen to the sermon, do the Bible study, and then I’d go to zumba with you, don my neon pink unitard, and then blame the old woman for all of the farting happening…of course, it wouldn’t be me.

    I’m sure we’d be lifelong friends.

    Awesome post!! Hilarious!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I’m the Fat Bridesmaid « highfiverson - July 17, 2012

    […] No one had noticed yet, so like a seven year old who just spilled grape juice on their parents’ new sofa, I tried as hard as possible to stay calm and not draw any attention to myself so I could fix it myself.  This zipper thing was no big deal, right?  This used to happen to my sleeping bags ALL the time, except this dress had it out for me.  It only took about 27 seconds for my slow, patient, calm attempt to progress into violent shaking and an all out brawl between me and said zipper.  Panic set in.  Somehow getting a size 00 when I usually wear a 0 made me 1. feel like a (literally and figuratively) huge idiot and 2. rethink my workout routine. […]

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