Aunt Jemima hosts The Lord’s Supper

12 Dec

Sometimes I feel like my luck rubs off and I curse everyone around me with awkward/horrendous situations.  I don’t mind enduring awkward/embarrassing on my own.. but let it be known that I feel TERRIBLE when it effects those around me.  Let’s talk about two instances from this weekend.

My first unsuspecting victim.. I mean, friend, is JJ and I don’t feel too bad for him; his luck is for the most part on par with mine so it’s unclear who is at fault when we hang out and things like this happen.  JJ and I rode the T home together after seeing The Muppet Movie sing-a-long with a few other friends (which. was. AWESOME btw!!!!! I loooooove the Brattle Theater forever for having that!!).  Everyone in attendance happened to be male, so I’m sworn to secrecy that they saw it with me and if anyone asks… quote: “This was a TopGum sing-a-long, right??”  ANYWAYS.  The subway car JJ and I got on was relatively empty which was a surprise because after big events (concerts, Bruins games, etc) it’s usually packed… for some reason the Muppet Movie sing-a-long was not cause for a T-filler…?  Go figure.  I carefully selected a seat from the mostly empty subway car and got settled.  JJ followed me in, sat down and left a seat between us.  Me, being unable to control my incredibly quick wit (what I like to call “dad jokes”) said to JJ “What? Are you saving room for Jesus?”

Well… turns out he was.

Right as I said that… a man walked on the T, and I kid you not LOOKED LIKE JESUS.  Was I about to be struck down for using the Lord’s name in vain via my dad joke???  JJ didn’t know what was going on, but saw the panic in my face as my jaw dropped, my face turned white and my eyes widen… he turned around to look at what was causing this reaction and saw Him… T-Jesus (hereon out referred to as Teasus).   Teasus sat himself down right on the other side of JJ.  JJ leaned over to me and the first words out of his mouth were… “Should I tell him we saved him a seat??” as he patted the chair between us.  *Cue laugh/cry……… now*

This resulted in a T ride of me (not so) inconspicuously trying to capture Teasus on my iPhone, but in reality just turned into a string of awkward, blurry pictures of JJ:

Clearly we are not very good at this...

For some reason, I think the funniest part of this situation was that Teasus was eating a bagel and cream cheese.  The one liners came out in full force: “I always thought the Lord’s Supper was unleavened bread and wine – sesame bagel and cream cheese it is!”  “It’s confirmed.. traffic in Boston IS hell.. even JESUS rides the T!”  “I had no idea the Lord’s Supper was so late, I wonder when he eats lunch?”  “Do you think he’s going to be able to feed the entire subway car?  It would take a miracle” etc etc etc… please feel free to add your own… it’s almost too easy!
 
With that, I will provide you with a picture JJ was able to capture after I left… it’s pretty obvious that I’m the weak link in these situations…
 

...in all hs glory...

 
Then we have the I’m-probably-never-hanging-out-with-this-girl-again-because-the-weirdest-things-happen-when-she’s-around situation.  I’m going to leave this friend unnamed because I promised him that I wouldn’t tag pictures on Facebook… but he didn’t say anything about my blog (he probably doesn’t read my blog, SUCKA!!!!!!  hahaha I guess I’m about to find out!!)
 
 
Four of us went out for breakfast Sunday morning.  We were joking around, having a good time when I looked at ‘Friend’ and noticed he had these three weird bug bite looking things under one of his eyes.  I hadn’t noticed them before, but  here’s a recap of the table conversation:
 
 
Me: Hey I think you have like a bug bite under your eye?
Friend: Yeah ya know… right when you said that, my eye started itching
 
 
—– conversation shift — one to three minutes later —–
 
 
Me: Ummm.. I think those bug bites are growing?  Those three bug bites have kind of turned into one bug-bitey looking bump
Friend: Yeah that’s weird – I’m sure I’m fine.
 
 
—– conversation shift — two minutes ——-
 
 
Me: Friend – you should go check this out in the mirror… it’s looking really bad, your eye is bloodshot and I think the bump is bigger
Friend: Really?  That bad?
Me: Yes, really…
Friend: oh man… this has happened before, I think it’s the syrup
Me: Yeah why don’t you go to the bathroom and take a look.  Please.
 
 
…Friend walks away…
 
 
Mitch (yelling after friend): Oh uhhh… don’t go in the stall
Me: Things NOT to yell in public
Mitch: **Yeah I need to write all these down so I can pull the list out and check if I’m allowed to say it before I yell it out
 
**his girlfriend is by far one of my favorite people
 
 
—- a few minutes later ‘friend’ came back from the bathroom ——
 
 
Friend: I’m going to go ahead and stop eating, I really think it’s the syrup
Me: That’s so weird – let’s get some ice and maybe that’ll help the swelling go down.  Excuse me, Flo?? Can we get a bag of ice?
 
 
The rest of our time resulted in me trying to make things better in the most awkward/embarrassing way possible for him.  Poor friend.  The waitress brought over an entire grocery sack full of ice and we I plopped it on friend’s face.  Having our entire face covered by ice didn’t look very comfortable, so we I started taking ice out and filling all our glasses with it.  Again, not awkward at all.  We finally got our bill, paid and left the restaurant; by this time friend’s eye was swollen almost completely shut.  Think of that scene from Hitch…
 
 
That was literally what was happening.  We couldn’t help but make light of the situation, so we had to at least make fun of him a little!  “Hey – wanna go take a syrup bath??”  “Aunt Jemima to yo FACE!” “Will you please yell ‘HEEEEY YOOOOU GUUUUUYS just one time!?” the entire ten minute car ride was spent making fun of friend.  Poor guy (important to note, I gave him a sincere apology for our jokes later).
 
 
By the time we got home… his eye had swollen completely shut.  We waited to take a picture until he was feeling a little better, and his eye went down a little… documented here:
 

Baby? Baby Wooth???

 
For all you sweethearts out there that are thinking we I am a horrible person – we did in fact try to insist on taking him to the hospital and he denied.  We did in fact give him a Benadryl.  We did in fact stay with him until the swelling went down.  Thankfully it just effected his eye and did not move to his throat!
 
 
Needless to say… I think I’m going to have some free weekends coming up, let me know if you want to hangout…. but remember this image and consider yourself warned!!!
 
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2 Responses to “Aunt Jemima hosts The Lord’s Supper”

  1. yourawfulpictures December 12, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    very funny.

    sorry for the bad english

  2. Jen December 15, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    I totally lost it with the “Jesus” pictures. Oh my gosh.

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