Life lessons you should have learned by age 25…

11 Jul

I’m sure I could come up with a million of “Life lessons you should have learned by age 25” but I’ll give you one for today:

You are no longer allowed to accept food challenges regardless of how much you will be paid.

In high school, these challenges are hilarious… and you could always use the extra spending money.  One food challenge comes to mind my sophomore year of high school when Sarah North and I bet Ryan and Jake we could eat more pizza than them within the buffet time frame at Pizza Hut.  My memory tends to fail me more frequently these days, but if I recall… this was talked up quite a bit and we had pretty good size group show up to spectate.  One friend even wore a referee jersey to enforce the rules.  What were the rules you ask?  From memory they were:

  1. There must be no use of performance enhancing drugs that could “give you the munchies”  (make of that what you wish… and for the record, that rule was put in place by Sarah and myself to impose on the boys).  Come to find out later, this rule was broken by both boys.
  2. Amount consumed was to be counted by the slice
  3. If your team member threw up on your own pizza, you had to eat it.
  4. Losing team buys the winning team one pound of gummy bears from Whole Foods … (goes to show our age and ability to consume ridiculous amounts of food without even considering consequences)

Again we are trusting my memory here, but as I would tell the story… we lost because said friend in referee jersey noticed after I had eaton 4 slices that there was some cheese that had fallen off my pizza onto my plate.  He said I would be “disqualified” if I didn’t eat the runoff cheese…. so I ate it.  Maintaining eye contact within my glare, I picked up all the cheese in a blob and ate it in one bite.  That was a horrible idea; I gagged and I couldn’t finish another slice.  We lost the pizza eating challenge.  Sarah and I pulled over on our drive home and threw up on the side of the road, only after purchasing the gummy bears to admit our defeat.

Let’s fast forward to college…  eating contests become absolutely disgusting, but a way to make easy cash when you need it, and get you some extra attention while you’re searching for friends.  My college eating challenge happened the summer after I graduated and unfortunately didn’t even involve cash… just pride.  I was working with a youth group in Southern California (shoutout to my Conejo family!!) and it was the week of the high school church camp.  I’ll preface by saying that my brother and his buddies (all guys in their late 20’s/early 30’s) were in charge of the church camp activities, one of which involved eating a live goldfish.  They were freaking out about someone having to do it and I said… “you guys are wusses… that’s not a big deal.”  Needless to say, I ate my words… and a goldfish.  Here’s a picture of the first one… yes, I said FIRST one…


Next thing I knew, I was on a stage stage in front of 200+ highschoolers, with a boy that had just graduated from high school; we were called up to eat live goldfish, one for one.  Eating one live goldfish was under the assumption that no one else would eat one… well this kid did.  He ate 9.  We had to call it a draw after we each ate 9 goldfish because we ran out of goldfish to pull from the tank.  Sick. 

Let’s fast forward to today… my 25 year-old self working in corporate america.  I’d like to think that I’ve done a good job fitting into this type of environment, going against every natural tendancy inside me…. can’t make fart jokes, running up and down the halls is deemed inappropriate, high fives have become funny jokes to talk about… even nicknames don’t really exist, well at least the funny ones.  What am I doing with my life?!?  Today we had a cake celebration for one of our directors that is getting married this weekend.  There was a HUGE cake – “cake celebration” was not just a clever name.  Do you see where I’m going with this?????

I have a friend in the office who is my age and pretty hilarious.  We eat lunch together more often than not, and spend our lunch hour swaping ridiculous stories/creating hyptothetical hilarious office situations.  Today I was sitting next to him during this cake break.  He looks over at the remaining half of the cake… 20 or so people had eaton half of it already if that gives you any inclination to its size.  He asked “How much money would it take for you to finish the rest of that cake by 5p?”  I survey the size and the amount of frosting, and (like an idiot) say: $100, thinking there’s no way he’d consider paying me $100.

I was wrong.  This is a place where we get decent paychecks and $100 really isn’t that much all things considered… for kicks, he decided to get a pool together to collect $100.  People chimed in by the $20’s.  I start freaking out, thinking of the consequences of eating 489786 pounds of cake… I’m going to vomit.  Goodbye respect from boss, hello 10 pounds to my thighs…. are there goldfish hidden in there? What have I done?!?!  Thankfully… at the mercy of my team, the pool stopped at $80 because no one really wanted to see me eat that ungoldly amount of cake.  It wasn’t even that great of a cake.

Lesson learned for this girl… I will no longer accept food challenges regardless of how much I will be paid.


2 Responses to “Life lessons you should have learned by age 25…”

  1. d.j. iverson July 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    This is why I love my sister.

  2. Manny June 21, 2012 at 6:23 am #

    ah shouldve video taped that goldfish competition and cake one lol

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