Snap to it!

5 Jul

This weekend I did something awkward.  Real awkward.  

To preface:  A group of ten of us went out for a bite to eat.  Having a party of ten can be somewhat annoying, and I am just slightly familiar with some of these “hate my life” tables from my extremely limited two months of waiting tables at Uno’s Chicago Grill.

From the waitress’ perspective:

Hate my life reason #1: I have a ten-top taking up five two-tops that would get me at least 2x the amount of cash AND double the turnover.  Lose.  Lose.

Hate my life reason #2: All but two of them just ordered water (for the record… I know that’s annoying, but it’s summer, it’s hot, and I’m thirsty!  Get over it!)

Hate my life reason #3:  Of course… all waters (HMLR#2) and no apps.

Hate my life reason #4:  When I try and take orders… half the group hasn’t decided what they want so I will sit and monotonously tap my pen wondering when it’s appropriate to just leave and come back in 5.  The ten-tops however never want to do this for fear that you won’t return so they rush to pick the first thing they see on the menu.

Hate my life reason #5:  Because of HMLR#4, when you bring the food out, no one remembers what they ordered OR is listening to you (again)… and/or the order is “wrong” and has to be sent back.

All this, and I didn’t even include the HMLR’s involving the bill/payment methods/tip/change/breaking 20’s.  Now that we all have a precedence for why servers become easily frustrated with large parties before they even sit down, you understand that I like to try and ease the tensions by accommodating the server and avoiding any unnecessary life-hating situations.

That said, our waitress was experiencing HMLR#2, 3 and was on the verge of experiencing #4.  I tried to minimize HMLR#4 by telling our waitress “hey honestly… if someone isn’t paying attention, just snap your fingers in their face and be mean *chuckle chuckle*”  Our server politely smiled and chuckled along with me and moved to the next person in our group.  My dear, dear friend Megan nudges my elbow, leans in and says “Sarah.. do you realize what you just said???”  I was just trying to ease the tension.  “Our waitress doesn’t have fingers.  How is she going to snap??”

Our waitress had a thumb and four nubbs on each hand.  Of course. 

Cassie Ladd and my brother know this feeling.  Cassie once told an armless child to take their arms out of their shirt while reffing a little league soccer game (by far my favorite story of all time); my brother’s sweet friend who was helping with a kids’ birthday party insisted a blind kid be blindfolded to hit the pinata and was then called ‘mean’ by said blind kid.

These things happen, I guess.  And that’s why we have to just laugh and shake our heads… (now you’ve got me all self conscience… I sincerely pray that all who read this have heads; my apologies if I have offended anyone)


2 Responses to “Snap to it!”

  1. Dani Kohler July 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    hahahahaha ohhhh my goodness. just made my day. love.


  1. Updates! (and insight into what my life has come to) « highfiverson - September 9, 2011

    […] my post about the fingerless waitress (click here to read), I have seen more dismembered limbs than I can count.  Am I cursed?  Two people in one […]

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